After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
