I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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