Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
