Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
