Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
