i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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