we have pet lesbian snakes
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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