I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
