if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
