...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
