you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
