I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
