I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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