I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
