Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
