i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
