if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
