I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
