I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
