How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
