It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Umm I'm too high to move.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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