If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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