If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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