Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
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he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
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His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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