ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
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She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
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I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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