I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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