If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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