you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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