I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
