Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
