No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
