yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
where are my eyebrows?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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