exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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