dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
