Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
