Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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