Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
