I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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