Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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