I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think my moral compass just broke
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
