Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
