This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
