i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
