My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
