wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
