batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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