i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize