Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
