Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
