How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
