I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
