Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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