I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
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She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
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Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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