I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
