I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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