Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
