so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
