the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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