since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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