Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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