I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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